I ended up meeting with a midwife in Albuquerque last week. It turned out to be very motivating and encouraging. She seems very capable and also willing to take me on as an apprentice. I was also offered a very cheap (and most likely pleasant) living arrangement. The only catch is that this midwife charges $300 to apprentice with her and I would not be able to work to afford that cost. My decision remains as to whether I stay in Bass Lake to continue working at the little flower shop for a while longer and try to save money or go ahead and move in June and see what happens in Albuquerque with a job or the midwife. I was reminded by someone recently how these decisions and options are a problem (a luxury) that America seems to generate...maybe even more so in our generation. I'm not sure what to say about that, except that as difficult as I experience these decisions, either way, I'll eat, sleep, laugh...survive.
To celebrate the coming of Spring I went on a beautiful hike in the Sandia mountains on the east side of Albuquerque (also very close to where I might live) - enjoyed good company, delicious breezes, an expansive view and sunset. I realized while reflecting on those few days in Albuquerque that in my life recently..."what was missing was the world of the present, where everybody was living its small, short, surprising, miserable, wonderful, blessed, damaged only life." (another from W. Berry) Maybe what is wearing me out in recent months/years is that in connecting with so many people in so many places I have begun losing my sense of the 'present' - connectedness with a place and its people and the refining of love and life that comes with time in that place and with those people...trying to accomplish this across so much time and space has left my heart/mind/soul feeling scattered and thin. I don't regret the choices I've made in my life up to now by any means, but it's time to try something new... some people call it 'settling down'...I need to think of it in different terms...maybe this - one last tidbit out of Jayber Crow, "It was impossible to hurry there, so I settled myself into patience."
5 comments:
Leigh,
Interesting post, and it reminds of something I once read.
In 1974, the geographer Yi-Fu Tuan coined the phrase "topophilia", or the love of a place. It's generally used to describe the strong sense of connection/identity to a specific area. It sounds like, among other things, you have yet to find the place, the area of the country, that you really connect with. Maybe it's Bass Lake, or Albuquerque, or Toledo, or somewhere else?
Some people move to an area because of this love, and carve out a life for themselves where there previously wasn't one. Some people, over the course of time, accidently discover this love. Some people spend all their life looking, but I think you'll know it when you get there. Don't be discouraged.
Just a couple of thoughts.
sp
Leigh!
It is so wonderful to read about what you've got going on, and encouraging as well.
Congrats on your new addition to the family, he sure is beautiful... can you say that about little boys? Oh I think so.
I'm praying that in whatever location you're in, doing whatever incredible thing it is you are doing that you'll have peace.
Miss you Base-mate! =)
I love you, Leigh. I miss you. I'm hearing your post. You are courageous.Flying home from Quito today.
Leigh...
We got your postcard yesterday...THANK YOU! I'm so happy to read that you were able to meet with the midwife. Is the $300 per month?...or for the whole internship?
I promised myself that I will pull off a guerilla dance performance sometime in my lifetime. I will make sure you are in town to participate!
Love you.
wow it's nice to know some of the stuff you've been doing and pondering on lately... thank god for blogs huh leigh
ester
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