despite my wishes....

I'm getting settled into life here in the mountains/lake region of bass lake. Well, not really. I'm having a hard time. Which, admittedly is usually the case during these transitional periods. It's not the lack of city or sleeping outside that is difficult. It's the people. And it's not because the people themselves are difficult (quite the contrary). I'm just discovering the depths of my tendencies to withdraw socially when faced with the long, beautiful and yet treacherous road of (new) relationships ahead-and all the insecurities and fears that coincide. I've begun considering again the possibility that prescription drugs might be of great help to me - despite my wishes for an alternative 'medicine'. I just don't want to feel the way I feel as often as I do. And, the more people I talk to the more I hear that it may be just what I need....or, it was what made all the difference for them. I want it to be exercise, or calcium, or giving up caffeine or any number of alternatives...but it becomes a catch-22 so to speak - in the midst of my more difficult days I can't muster the motivation long enough to maintain the disciplined regime needed to make a difference....and who knows if it really would anyway... Any thoughts?
On another note: I've requested information from The International School of Traditional Midwifery in Ashland, OR. I'm excited to learn more. As more and more friends start talking about child-bearing (you know who you are :) ), I'm realizing I better get on this education bit of my anticipated career, so to be ready to midwife them through their births! :) We'll see....
Yet another note: I had a delightful visit from 5 friends/sisters from San Diego this week - Jenn, Tiana, Laura, Ester and Kelly! It was such a treat to have such warm and familiar company for a little bit. And if I can figure out how to download some of Jenn's pics I'll put those on here too :). We went to Yosemite and meandered around ...oh, and saw a bear! We treated ourselves to an entertaining evening with Captain Jack Sparrow :) (a little wierd at times and unclear with the plot line...but altogether a good show, I'd say)....and a swim in the lake, celebration of Jenn's bday. ...that's all. it was fun. i miss them now.