It's been a while.
I've never been eager to go through a remodelling of my home. But, I am currently enduring just that. Summit base is a massive mess of destructed reconstruction and cement dust. It's terrible...but somehow bearable because of what we expect to be the finished product. I already have new countertops in my kitchen and the entire floor of the main room will soon be completely redone with some cement/epoxy finish. It is exciting. But, never can I imagine initiating such a project myself. The operation of the kitchen takes place outside these days...as in I'm cooking on Coleman 2 burner stoves...for 12 people. The island is at a 45 degree angle, the refrigerator is pulled away from the wall and blocks the freezer. I have an unsettling feeling that it will never be finished...maybe because our construction staff is half or less after just one week of work...

I spent last weekend in Yosemite seeing the sights with a few friends from so. cal. The smokey fires crept up on us as we drove back home. Ash was falling on us as we waited at the Crane Flats gas station waiting for Clancey to cool down and restart. Visibility was poor, air quality was horrid. But, we had such a fun time. I hurt my back again somehow sleeping on the rocky ground one night. After a frustrating week hunched over and sore, I finally went to see the chiropractor Friday to straighten me out. It helped.

A friend told me this week that he and another friend were talking about me recently. They were discussing the fact that it is an emotional roller coaster to be around me when I'm cooking... one minute happy and laughing, the next stressed out and pissed... well, I certainly couldn't argue with 'em. It's just the nature of the job, I guess... the saying should be 'curses like a cook' not a sailor. hehehe.

I have spent 90% of my mental energy in the last month trying to decide what to do with the next few months of my life and how. And I've finally got it all figured out. Planes, trains and automobiles...and credit cards. And hopefully a kayak and some snorkeling goggles...in Fiji. Also, I am being given the great honor of attending the birth of my best friend's first baby...in Australia. I will go to some friends' wedding and hang out with my grandparents. I will road trip with my mom and hang out with my brother and sister-in-law and their little bun in the oven! I will help send off my friends in San Diego take a train from Tucson to Fresno. And I'll be 'wintering', as they say, here in Southern Yosemite trying to replenish my bank account. Also, I should be finding out this week whether I'll be starting midwifery school this fall or not.

I am not sure still after all this deliberation, what is the wisest determining factor in all this decision making... what makes you feel most alive? Am I listening to the leading of the Holy Spirit? (how?) Do I feel it my gut? What will challenge me and perpetuates community? What is community? ...